It’s All Worthwhile

I love waves crashing on rocks. There is really a lot of violence going on, but just look at the magnificence as well. You don’t get one without the other.

“If my world were to cave in tomorrow, I would look back on all the pleasures, excitements and worthwhilenesses I have been lucky enough to have had. Not the sadness, not my miscarriages or my father leaving home, but the joy of everything else. It will have been enough.” ~Audrey Hepburn

When I read this, it brings to mind something else I read once: Life is worth living just because it is.

To one degree or another we all experience suffering in life. But to one degree or another we also experience worthwhileness. The more I learn and grow, the older I get, the more I see how true it is that we cannot have joy without sorrow, happiness without sadness, and pleasure without pain. Call it balance, call it yin and yang, call it anything you’d like. I don’t pretend to know all the reasons why this is true, but I think some of it is that we are able to more fully see and appreciate delight and bliss when juxtaposed with grief or adversity.

Life is worth living not because it is free of pain or suffering. It is not worth living because it is filled with gladness and amusement. What are the pleasures, excitements, and worthwhileness of your life today? What nugget can you pull out? Whatever it is, magnificent or minute, it will have been enough to make today worth it.

Finding Worthwhileness = Joy

Simply Saturday

I’m sitting in Central Park! Okay, it’s not that Central Park. It’s the one just around the corner from where I live, the neighborhood park next to a school. It is 74 degrees and sunny with a light breeze. The leaves are turning brown and falling, little by little, to the ground, leaving the trees half naked. I don’t like leafless trees, so I prefer looking at the pines. The shrubs and grass are beginning to turn yellow and brown as well, another sign that summer is leaving us and autumn is taking its place. It’s been seven years since I experienced fall. I’m bracing myself for what comes after that! The bare trees will be shivering in the cold winds… but today is beautiful.

On my short walk to the park I passed a baseball diamond where a few people were practicing. I don’t care much for sports, but there are a few sounds I enjoy: the crack of a bat making contact with a baseball and the squeak of tennis shoes on a basketball court. I also passed a family loading up the minivan to head out for the afternoon, or maybe even the weekend. The dad sang, “just the four of us…” and in my head I continued, “we can make it if we try…” As I approached the playground, I saw the sign that lists all the no-nos: no loud music, no firearms, no fireworks, no misuse of the park property, etc. I think they could have saved some time and money, and made a much more pleasant sign by saying, “Welcome to Central Park – Be Nice!”

The playground was deserted when I arrived so I picked a spot under the shade of the gazebo at one of the picnic tables and pulled out my water bottle, journal, and phone (for the camera… I’m disconnecting for a bit). A family arrived… actually, what appears to be two families or maybe just a group of friends, and seven kids made their way to the playground. I love listening to other people’s conversations, especially kids! One little boy made it to the top of one of the structures probably not intended for climbing (harmless rule-breaking in my book) and looked rather proud. He then proceeded to pick his nose! Oh, kids!! There’s a lone runner  making his way around the perimeter of the park, making me feel slightly guilty that I have not been running. I really want to start again, but this altitude makes it hard to breathe! It’s much easier to take a long, full breath at sea level. But my breathing won’t improve unless I put on my running shoes and start.

This must be the time of day people head out. Traffic has picked up and there are more kids, some arriving by car and some walking from the nearby houses. This reminds me of Park Days with one of our homeschool groups, where moms would relax and sit around talking while our kids would be kids. Those were fun days. I love seeing kids act like kids – running around like maniacs, climbing on everything, jumping, laughing, showing off for each other, and pretending they are all sorts of characters as they play. And then, if you’re lucky, they go home exhausted and sleep for a few hours!

It feels nice to be at the park. I live so close, yet I haven’t been over here since before Brian died. He liked walking to the park and that brings good memories too. I’m glad we had those walks and talks. The breeze has picked up and the air feels a tiny bit chillier. I’m going to head back home… lazily stroll back home. I’m happy today. I hope you are too, wherever you are, whatever you are doing.

Simply Saturday = Joy

What’s Your (First World) Problem?!?!

Today I had to have a tire replaced. I thought I was in for a simple repair, but nope! I managed to get a nail imbedded in a spot that made it unfixable. It took over an hour of my time, and part of that time I had to endure daytime television and a poor selection of magazines. This is the third leaky tire I’ve had since February on a car that doesn’t even have 5000 miles on it. How annoying is that? I’m not even sure how I keep running over nails. I’ve tried to keep my midnight runs through construction sites to a minimum!

Yesterday I went to the grocery store, armed with my list. I flew through the aisles, crossing off my items, very proud that I was being so efficient! I got home and started preparing dinner, only to realize that I was missing two ingredients… ingredients that were essential. I pouted and then got back in the car, ran into the store for the missing items, and drove back home. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

A few days ago one of my computers was running really slow. Every site I tried to access gave me the little turning icon, letting me know the magic was being conjured, but the fairies were just not flying fast enough or waving their little wands quickly enough (that’s how the Internet works, ya know… little magical fairies). It’s enough to drive you crazy sometimes, isn’t it?

Writing about these situations now makes them seem quite comical. Really? Slow Internet, missing ingredients, leaky tires?

One day while out and about with Jordan we saw a man in his stalled car, stuck at a light waiting for help to arrive. I commented on how frustrating that is (though, I must admit I have never had my car stall at a light, but I assume it is quite frustrating). Jordan looked at me and said, “Yeah, first world problem.” Ouch. He’s right. That guy had a car and a cell phone. He was in a part of town that probably has half a dozen auto repair shops within reasonable walking distance. Yes, it was probably very irritating, but… first world problem.

My leaky tire is laughable. Brian, before he died, made sure I had a new car with a warranty and no car payment. He worried at the thought of me having to foot the bill for auto repairs after his death or struggle to make a monthly payment. So, a tire? Yeah, I can handle that. That car, even with a leaky tire, allows me to go wherever I need, even multiple times in one afternoon to the grocery store. Hmm, grocery stores – some people in the world would think they were in heaven if they took a glimpse at what you can see from the doorway of a grocery store. Fresh food, fresh flowers, conveniently packaged toiletries, displays of beverages! A slow computer? Oh good grief!! I have the world at my fingertips, information at the stroke of a few keys and swipe of a mouse. Not only that, did you notice I said “one of my computers”? I should be ashamed of myself! Some people in the world have never opened a book, much less seen or touched a computer, and even if they did, they wouldn’t know how to decipher the letters on the page or the words on the screen. And I have two computers, a television, a smartphone, and more. My first world problems suddenly seem really lame. It took me just a few minutes each time to realize the absurdity of my problems and be grateful that I have been blessed to be part of the world at this particular time, in this particular place, surrounded by conveniences I take for granted on an hourly basis.

Now, I realize we are not all equal, even in America, with what we possess, or the position we are in. But we all have things we can be extremely grateful for. The next time you get in your car, even if you consider it a piece of junk, be happy that you don’t have to walk everywhere you go. When your computer is running slow and you are ready to pitch it out the window, smile and enjoy those few minutes you have to wait and count as many blessings as you can in that time. And when you forget an ingredient, drive to the store and blast the radio and be thankful for all the hands that worked to get those ingredients to the store so you could create a yummy dish. And maybe even share that dish with someone less fortunate.

My So-Called Problems = Joy

Misery Apparently Does Love Company

I haven’t been in the blogging mood lately. I’ve written plenty, just not shared. This could come off as whining or criticism and in a way, I guess it is meant to be that, though I never intend to offend.

The point of journaling is to write for yourself. When that is put in the form of a blog it then becomes not only for yourself, but for others. I have been quite blessed with a following of readers, some extremely loyal. I’ve noticed, however, that readership soars when I write about sadness, heartbreak, and death. I find that, frankly, sad and heartbreaking. There seems to be a sort of fascination with the woes of others. We need only look at the news (which I refuse to do) to see evidence of our preoccupation with tragedy and in searching for any shred of negativity in people and events. (Okay, I freely admit the political season gets me down, frustrates me, and makes me want to pack my bags and move to a private island.) How much better would the world be if we focused, instead, on stories of the goodness of humanity? On how much is right in our society? It’s there; I have seen and experienced it firsthand.

I find myself, more and more, pulling away from media that wants to fill my mind with bad news. I also find that I have no interest in listening to or being around those who are negative and find something wrong in almost anything. When I allow myself to do that, I feel the weight of negativity pull down on me and I start to adopt the same attitude. I haven’t been through the worst life can deal a person. Yes, I’m a 38 year-old widow and single mother with no place to call her own, wondering what the future holds and if I can truly make it on my own. However, I’m also a 38 year-old aspiring writer with good friends and a lovely place to live who has been blessed in countless ways by friends, acquaintances and strangers. That’s what I want to dwell on, not the “woe is me” moments of myself or others. I want to balance that compassion I have for others who are struggling (and my own struggles) with purposeful joy.

I am sure I will write about sadness and heartache (I hope death will not make it to these pages again). In fact, this month has already been, and will continue to be, emotionally rough. However,  I would prefer to spend my time looking for the lovely, seeing the sublime, and dwelling on delight. I hope you will do the same. Turn off the news and go for a walk. Stop yourself mid-gripe and change the subject to something positive. Dole out compliments freely. Smile at everyone, especially those you may not deserve your smile. Turn away from anything that doesn’t uplift or promote cheerfulness. Misery has enough company.

Bon Voyage to Misery = Joy