There’s a book on my shelf that I bought at the suggestion of a friend. It is The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion, the story of how she dealt with the sudden death of her husband. However, the book was not suggested as a way for me to process Brian’s death, but as a way for me to think about my life. I’ve written how I plan to move forward, to pursue my dreams and live the life Brian cannot. My friend wanted me to think about that part as being magical. Taking a year to figure things out, see what unfolds, and explore the possibilities.
I am very much an optimistic girl who looks at the world and sees magic. Heck, technology is magical to me. I am pretty sure my computer is powered by pixie dust and unicorns!
As each day unfolds I am seeing more of what will be my year of magical thinking. Today I did something I have wanted to do for a long time. I went to the salon and had my hair dyed and highlighted purple. I’ve tended, over the course of my life, to do things the conventional way. I am a rule follower and a people pleaser. I don’t rock the boat and I try to be “appropriate” in all situations. Truth be told, however, there is a different Jacque that has resided inside, wanting to be daring enough to get tattoos and have purple hair and do something in life that is all my own.
I asked a few friends if it would be okay to dye my hair purple. Good friends tell you it would more than okay. I also asked Jordan. He, too, gave his blessing. He embraces my quirkiness and thinks it’s cool. So I sat in a chair and chatted with my new colorist about life, and enjoyed the process. It was more than a hair appointment for me. It was a big step in embracing my “innate okayness” and some of my wonderful weirdness, a step in being me, a way to begin some magical thinking.
Just like the title of the book, I want this to be my year of magical thinking, where I explore uncharted territory and open myself to all the possibilities life has to offer. I want to be unafraid to keep sharing my heart through writing. I want to get my hands dirty and be creative. I gave up art a long time ago but it is calling again. I hope my year of magical thinking will take me to new destinations, introduce me to colorful characters, and open my eyes to the joy that surrounds each of us. And I want to do that with tattoos and purple hair.
A Magical Mindset = Joy